Breathe.

I couldn’t look myself in the eyes. I avoided the mirror as much as I could when I went in to get a tissue. I couldn’t breathe and had to blow my nose. I was starting to hyperventilate. It was my own stupid fault. Why did I feel it necessary to read that? After all, I knew that once I’d written about it I was supposed to keep that memory locked away in “the safe place.” Put it so far back in my mind that I could forget about it enough to be able to function normally again.

It just brought the whole experience back. The smells and sounds of the hospital, the feeling of utter loss and pain, the screams and the tears.

Even now as I type this. Why am I crying? It’s over. I did my part. I know it was all part of The Plan, but why does it have to come back and smack me around like this?

Calm. I need to stay calm. Breathe. Today is a new day. And tomorrow will be too. He is still beautiful. He is so happy. And his family is a Forever Family. Their combined love outweighs anything you feel, so GET OVER IT.

It’s been two and a half years, and I still have my days.

It’s been two and a half years, and I still know it was right.


(Like two peas in a pod. He’s the one on the right.)

Wink!

My sister-in-law, Laura, sent me an email today to let me know that she's posted a blog about the Wee One. In it is this video:



It has been soooo long since I've had an update from them that I just about cried when I saw this video. Truth be told, I've watched it a good 15-20 times already and I'm sure that's just the beginning. But it is so worth it. To think... I created that gorgeous little 2-year-old. And look how HAPPY he is! *sigh* It warms my heart. :)

To see the full blog you can copy and paste the following link into your browser:

http://lauragunn.typepad.com/paintinmyhair/2011/08/i-gorgeous.html